Cognitive Dissonance

- Betwixt: Phase III - Poem IV -

I loved you in spite of,

My fears that our pasts would define us

At twenty-two, I have you my gold,

But how were you to know what love would unfold?

My heart was ice, you colored its flame,

A tempest fever, you whispered my name

You held me close in a delicate dance,

Now I’m left here suffering from cognitive dissonance

I dreamed of forever, your hands in my coat,

Walking along a downtown moat

You vowed that nothing could tear us apart,

Yet you fractured my sensitive heart

You turned my bed into a sanctified shrine,

My nights in the kitchen are filled with phantoms of past lives

I sometimes wonder if I were to die,

If you’d ever bat an eye 

Say that you want me—I’m broken but I’m yours,

The chaos, my family, the slamming of car doors

It’s gravity pulling me to you, no matter the pain,

I’ll wear your chain just to keep me sane

My heart was dead, you woke it from its grave,

A tempest daydream, you called my name

You held me close, and I felt like a stronger man,

Now I’m left here suffering from cognitive dissonance

I love you despite what others said,

When all my enemies were once my friends

I said for you to get the help you needed, through my cries,

Instead, you cut me off and said goodbye

You turned my couch into a devious trap,

My nights in the bathroom, just me crying into my lap

I still got your one-year gift in my closet,

If someday you’d wanna come over and chat

I’ll kiss you as the lights die down,

When you take the stage in Dallas, downtown

I’d drown in your eyes if you’d let me free,

I couldn’t recover from this, not for all eternity

But now I see it the cruelest of spirits,

I don’t understand why you feared it

The connection, the emotion, the deep talks,

You’d avoid it all just to see me walk

We were dancing,

But you never tied the ties

I wanted commitment,

Was everything just a lie?

Are you still single now?

Or chasing other guys?

You know as well as I do,

No one will love you as much as I

So this is the cost of persistence,

This is cognitive dissonance