Found

- Rift: Part II - Poem XV -

We sat on the pier while the lake lights swayed,

I prayed you’d forgive all the mess I made

We first met at 151, your hand brushed mine,

I thought I’d be faithful, but I crossed a line

On May thirty-first, I kissed you goodbye,

But that kiss was poisoned, the truth was a lie

I carried my unfaithfulness like shadows at night,

And never confessed, though, I knew it wasn’t right

I chased the applause of a faceless crowd,

Posting my body to somehow feel proud

But the more they stared, the more hollow I grew,

Every click, every like, pulled me further away from you

I missed your birthday, the twenty-second year,

While you blew out candles, I wasn’t near

You waited in cold silence, but I never came,

And you learned in that moment, we’d never be the same

I never sought therapy, never wanted peace,

I let all my patterns repeat and increase

I told myself that leaving would help me repair,

But I left you in ruins, alone in June’s air

I left you with nothing,

While you gave me everything

You wanted me to be better,

It was something you always wrote in your letters

But I could never be up to the task,

Of unpacking my trauma and past

So I broke your heart and said I needed a break,

When all along I knew you’d give more than I could take

I ran to what was familiar,

Guys online who’d never seen my face before

It was weeks until you found out,

Your heart broke all over again in the mid-July drought

Now I see you’re doing better now,

You’re on apps again, searching for someone to be found

I wonder if you ever think of me,

And how we both used to be

I swore to myself I’d find better, a brighter new flame,

But no one has ever remembered my name

Their eyes are mirrors that darken with time,

Just heartbeats that never match the tune of mine

For nights, I replay how you walked through the door,

The way you lit spaces I can’t step into anymore

I thought I was choosing a future so wide,

But the best I could find was already by my side

The pier is still waiting, the lake still glows,

But you’re not the one at the end of the road

I traded forever for moments that fade,

And live with the loss of the life we made

Here’s the truth that I’ll never confound,

The best I could find, I had already found