Nascent

- The Seasons Of Grief: Chapter V - Poem VIII -

On an April evening, he sent me his top five,

Her songs we talked about late into the night

My depression was high,

So we planned a day to meet for coffee in the noon light

My walls were just fine until he came into my life,

He broke them down and made his way inside

Showed me a new dawn and how to love right,

Am I allowed to grieve the way I used to fight?

I dreamed of us kissing in the rain,

Long walks of love’s refrain

I hid it well, but realized I was chained,

He didn’t mind at all, no one was to blame

He’s a mirage, of malachite and crystals adorned,

What if our fate was foretold in the stars of lovelorn?

I felt like I’ve known him since I was born,

In my previous life, I have yet to fully mourn

How can I name my sincerity nascent?

This ache is so fierce, it’s so incandescent

They say the honeymoon stage won’t last,

But even if we die, I’m not going back

We promised each other we could never love again,

Our love, our lives are forever delicate

I told him I’m new to this whole blight,

He said it takes practice, but that I’m doing it right 

We spent the night together eating breakfast and sleeping through rain fogs,

Played card games, we knew we would both right our wrongs

Sometimes I get too emotional and go and request unwanted distance,

When all I wanted was for him to come over and forget the resistance

He took the keys to my heart and opened up my cell, I was fresh out of the slammer,

We kissed for the first time, and I finally felt like someone who’d be loved forever

We went to the movies together and then sat by the bay, wishing for luck,

It was then that I realized I was lovestruck

Our nights filled up with a royal haze-like loom,

I remember the time I cried in his arms in his car under the full moon

I thought of us kissing through the pain,

Long talks at the end of the day 

I didn’t care to hide it anyway,

I was proud of it, whatever we were named

He’s a dreamscape of rhymes and still soliloquies,

What if our legacy was foretold in the scribes of prophecy?

The glimmering shine of prospects,

An Oscar, Grammy, or Emmy might be next

How did I get this lucky, my sincerity nascent,

This passion is so primal, it’s so incandescent

What if I kneel on a park bench and make a proposition?

Pull out a rhinestone and pop the question?

They’ll cast their judgment anyway,

The way he’s transformed me into an adult who frays

You’re my first, my last,

My future, my past

The one I knew I’d waited decades for,

A persona only I could adore

How can I provide what you all deserve, make us survive the ascent?

This love is so luxurious, it’s like a relationship that’s nascent

And so I said,

But then times came with calamitous red

It was our house they came for,

They broke the windows and knocked on the door

I kissed you desperately, then doused my dreams in gasoline,

Lit the match, let the flames grow fierce and obscene

You saw it too, the wild flicker in my eyes,

Yet you stayed inside, where the fire lies

You cross the dunes and stay the night,

The heat coils tight, a serpent bite

Tell me you’re mine, that time’s untrue,

All my roads have led me to this moment with you

One more moment and it all ignites,

I’m not going back, the embers take flight

The road runs into the sky and untwines,

Just keep breathing in this nascent blight

It might be mad to stand our ground,

But we’ll dance as the walls fall down

You and I seem delicate when we’re found,

Inside a lonesome desert town

Smoke lines your collar, cinders lace your breath,

You should be running, but you swore you’ll stay until death 

I crack and crumble like the beams that surround,

You hold me close and say we belong to the ash now

You drive through dust and stay the night,

The air is thick with burning might 

I tell you you’re all mine, we crush the coals,

All my lanes have led to a fate that keeps me whole

Shot your arrow of brazen rain,

You’ve been doing it right from the start of the game

You’ll right all my wrongs, say I’m never to blame,

Just keep living in this nascent flame

The staircase caves, the rafters break,

Blocks our escape; it’s far too late,

You close our distance and latch the gate

Fresh out of the slammer, I live for the heat,

My footsteps are lost in the sand, where no rain meets 

My skin’s been burned, and yours has been too,

We both got lovestruck, we both just knew

The bricks collapse as we told the truth,

I take your hand and run beneath the full moon

In the dead of night, I see it right,

I leave behind my insanity and my spite

To others, we’re just a fiery sight,

But to m,e we’re just malachite

And so there we were,

Building our walls out of stained bricks and new mortar,

Fifteen years later, will we be the same people as we are now?

We dreamed with open eyes,

Traced the paths of uncertainty

We were boundless where the future lies,

Of adulthood, possessiveness, and chivalry

You fall asleep to white noise, I feel like it’s a solemn sound,

I get flashbacks of your brother’s voice booming

You dream of purity and the love you finally found,

I wake up paranoid from nightmares with funeral crooning

Will the years and tears finally set us free?

I remember the time you chose me

And I became a branch of your family tree,

Will our nascent love be for eternity?

I still pray to the Lord that he may give me clarity,

That I’ll be strong enough to carry us to peace

I’d wanna have kids with you eventually,

If we can ever pay off our lease

The stars at night burn so bright,

Mirroring the day, I wish I could replay

We have no gripes, we’ve never had a fight,

Just times where I’d cry and you’d assure me everything’s right

Will my past youthful days fade as I get older?

I’ll have to write it all down to remember

The midnights when I held you close in parking lots after dinner,

Will our nascent love last through this December?

Can we build a home full of summer glows and winter below?

Deck the halls with cheerful merry

Celebrate the slow fall of autumn maples mellows,

And when it’s all said and done, have some kids to carry

I’ll be battered and broken, but you’ll still be there,

I can’t wait to see us as a family, I’d always forgotten I could have

But for now, I’ll fix myself and mend my lashings caused by the bear,

So that when we’re older, we can have carefree laughs

Will the stones of malachite and garnet retell our past?

Do you remember the complexity of wrought scrutiny?

For now, I’ll be okay, and we’ll keep doing things new to me,

For our nascent love is our first and last