New Year’s Eve

- The Seasons Of Grief: Chapter IV - Poem XI -

I’m so glad you decided to invite me,

What do I wear? Do I bring something for free?

This film keeps rolling, scene after scene,

But I keep replaying this night, even in my dreams

We small talk; the rich parties and borrowed suits,

The laughter of strangers to me, yet the champagne pursuits

I look out from a high balcony where Gatsby should lie,

Afraid that I might not be enough for you someday

That night in the gilded halls, we danced,

Behind the pillars, we kissed and talked about romance

I can’t help my fear of the now not being new,

But you reassure me that we’ll never be through

This is me, I’m working on how I’ve become,

And whenever I fall into the nights of winter above

I go back to New Year’s Eve in my mind,

When we drove home and left the world behind

The fireworks lit up the distant skies,

I even caught some in the reflections of your eyes

This newfound freedom is an unfamiliar thing, but I know it’s not wrong,

It feels right, like my heart found its one muse it’s been searching for all along 

These days, though, I lie awake, a reel on repeat,

Your laugh, your hand, our kiss in the street

Your touch was a spark that lit my Christmas-light frame,

You said, “Give me all your doubts, your worries, and shame.”

The old mahogany shone, but it felt so cold,

That night, our love burned brighter than all the alcohol sold

We’re infatuating, mysterious, unburdened, and clean,

I’d trade an empire a thousand times for you and me

And this is me, I’m working on how I’ve become,

And whenever I fall into the twilight of winter, glum 

I go back to New Year’s Eve in my mind,

When the sleep that night was peaceful and everything slowed, even the time

The drive home was like a stage, a pre-written scene,

A symphony of silence with the glow in between

And in that very moment, I saw something so true:

Even amid storms, I’ll always love you

I remember the way you talked and smiled,

Like the man inside me was reconciled

You weren’t afraid to put your hand in mine,

That winter night, all actions felt right

If given the chance, just a wishful dream,

If I could take my worries away, I wouldn’t change my theme

For they’re who I am, and they’re who will make me,

When the credits roll, they’ll be there to remind us of what made our love so serene

So here’s me, I’m working on how I’ve become,

And whenever I fall into the poet’s trap, where the blocks come from

I’ll go back to New Year’s Eve all the time,

Where the drive home solidified your love and mine