The Crux
- The Seasons Of Grief: Chapter III - Poem VII -
I get food, barely eat,
Bread for dinner, stuck in last week’s defeat
School’s a drag, I’m burned out,
What’s the point of dreams when the doubts scream so loud?
No friends, no spark,
I fake a smile, but it’s dark in the dark
Asked for this, didn’t I?
A lonesome life, where the motivation’s gone dry
I think I’m scared of being stuck,
But chasing my dreams feels like I’m running out of luck
It ain’t funny; it’s real heavy,
That’s the crux
All these voices, all this goddamn noise, stays so steady,
Nothing changes if I stay still
“Good luck with that.”
“Nah, I’ve had my fill.”
This ain’t funny; it’s the crux
Film school feels like a fight for air,
Everyone’s talking, but I don’t hear words there
It’s all about flexing, not the art,
They break the story before it even starts
A new apartment, four blank walls,
The lease runs out in October, where will I fall?
I want a home, but I’m not sure where,
Every option feels like a lost cause out there
That’s the crux,
Takeout’s too much, I can’t spare a plate, not a bit
It’s the crux,
This ain’t funny; it’s real heavy
That’s just the crux; it cuts deep,
My peers call The Godfather “derivative,” but I just like the way they talk cheap,
It’s so heavy; like, really heavy
I’ll change my goals, change my ways,
Try to fake it, ‘till I make it, made,
Write a script, erase the page,
Act like I’ll be fine with age,
Blah-blah “art’s profound,”
Don’t pretend to be studious when no one’s around
What a blurry Polaroid this is,
That’s the crux
What a messy coffee table this is,
That’s the crux
What a junky town alley this is,
That’s just the crux; it cuts so deep
My late-night thoughts might get some laughs as is,
If it’s funny, I’m not funny
In my twenties, I don’t know a thing,
Why do I keep holding on to things that life won’t bring?
Why do I keep on, why do I try?
Why am I not too grown-up to cry?
Why do I dream of greatness, just to sell myself silence?
Why do I crave the noise but fail the spelling bees of quiet?
Why do I long to feel like a kid again?
I’m just an adult holding onto them,
That’s the crux
