The Exile’s Road

- The Seasons Of Grief: Chapter II - Poem IX -

I whisper faintly to others of our shared end,

Of the death that calls for every friend

The promises bloom in scripture’s hue,

A brighter home for the most faithful of few

In your living room, I grow cold,

Haunted by stories I once was foretold

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted,

Saves those who’s spirits have become uncharted”

I gave up my name, my roots, my past,

A Polaroid blurred, no ties to last

Your mother smiles, your father nods,

Yet I am no more than a man abroad

We’ll be okay, I know this, as you reach for my hand,

But I’ll always be the stranger in a foreign land

I tried to belong, to anyone, to anywhere, I never could,

The exile’s road is a lonesome one, I want to bury myself in the ditch beside, my mind wishes it would

The family frames scattered on your wall,

Reminds me of my own, empty and small

I traded their stoic voices for your soft gaze,

But the exile lingers, a fog that always stays

Your father calls me “son” at the table,

The warmth feels thin, a fractured fable

I greet and cheer, I play the part,

As the silence of the hole, grows in my heart

Mom sees me only in her dreams now,

Her boy lost to a misunderstood vow

A sticker covers my face in my grandma’s family picture wall,

She waits, she wonders, she sits and cries when the frame falls

I cry too, in your Mazda at midnight,

It’s euphoric in a fragile light

You tell me I’m home, I should be glad,

But I’ll always still mourn the life I had

I gave up everything to gain it all,

I’d do it over again, despite the hard fall

Your brother’s smile, your sister’s cheer,

They’re all kind to me, but I know I don’t belong here

The pictures fade, the years grow thin,

I don’t know if I’ll ever truly fit in

Mom, I still love you, I know I can’t turn back,

The exile’s road is a one-way track

I see us when I close my eyes,

Your green gaze, your weary sighs

You’ll wait for me, I always will too,

This emptiness, it’ll linger still

So here I am, caught in the in between,

A life lost, a love you’ll never see

I gave you my family, my blood, my name,

And gained a love that’ll never feel the same