Volta

- The Seasons Of Grief: Chapter V - Poem IX -

I wasn’t scared of anything at all,

Not fire, not dying, not being left at the mall

I’m not afraid of living on my tied shoes,

I stood so still, with nothing to lose

I gave up on hearing oceans in conch shells,

Stopped going to auctions as my youth befell

Resigned myself to a life of quiet solidarity,

What a childish thing to think, I now see

But then you came into my life and broke my shell,

You gave me a spark, a song, an everlasting spell

You turned my frozen stillness into a dancing flame,

Now nothing will ever feel the same 

You gave my story a new volta,

Something fresh, something from North Dakota

Now I know what it’s like to try,

To feel the outside and touch the sky

I’m not afraid to start once more,

School’s just another thing, the past’s knocks, I’ll ignore

I broke once, but now I bend,

To secure my fate, to try again

I quit giving Valentine’s cards to the kids in my class,

After I found out they threw them in the trash

Told myself that I’ll live alone for all eternity,

What a childish thing to think, I now see

Inside the rooms, my actions echo loud,

Surrounded by others who understand, they feel like a somber crowd

Now I know what it feels like to have something to lose,

To realize that the blame wasn’t all mine, it was something they’d choose 

You gave me a new volta,

Something fresh, something from Minnesota

Now I know what it feels like to choose,

To write these rhymes, I never knew

Once I thought that all things were meant to end,

That life is temporary, that sadness is something that can’t mend

Now I know that I can make new friends,

I can start again